


i can't stay silent

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Drinking Games, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kim Mingyu-centric, M/M, Nightmares, Other, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, Rape/Non-con Elements, Swearing, Vomiting, literally only seokgyuhao seungcheol and jihoon are there for more than 5 seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25920307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: All he wanted to do was forget, but whenever he least expected it, the memory would sneak up on him like a toxic cloud and suffocate him. Logically, he knew that one day it would all become too much for him and that he would break.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Lee Seokmin | DK/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 1
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I know that it may seem a bit weird that I'm posting a fic like this so let me explain myself.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING - INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS
> 
> So, I get intrusive thoughts occasionally, and sometimes they are more emotionally intrusive and other times, they have a bigger effect on me mentally. This story stems from one of these thoughts so I wrote this fic to help me cope with it and at first I wasn't going to post it but I decided to because I thought it would make me feel better.
> 
> Anyways if you don't want to read you don't have to.

Mingyu woke up in cold sweat once again, heaving breaths leaving his mouth as he shot up in his bed. He looked around blindly in the dark, making sure he was in his room and not there.

Placing a hand on his chest, he tried to regulate his breathing so that he could calm down and somehow go back to sleep. It had been years since he had such nightmares, he thought he had suppressed all memories of what happened yet, the scene still played out in his head as clear as day. He could again feel the tears streaming down his face, the hands on his body, again hear his cries and shouts of pain and suffering contrasted with sickening moans.

Rushing out of his bed, Mingyu ran to the bathroom, throwing up at the mental image, his mind had unwillingly conjured up. He was so immersed in his trauma that he barely registered the light turning on in the hallway and the slow footsteps making their way to the bathroom until a voice spoke up.

“Gyu? You okay over there?”

Seokmin’s concerned tone finally broke him from his nightmare-induced panic and gave him enough clarity so he could compose himself before answering.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a nightmare.”

“Oh okay,” Seokmin took a few steps into the bathroom to place a hand on Mingyu’s back “do you want to talk about it?”

If only Mingyu could finally tell somebody about what happened, how it had ruined him and his life and how he wanted someone to comfort him and make him feel safe. However, the fear of what will happen when he opens his mouth is too high for him to indulge in such thoughts.

“Not today, Minnie. Maybe some other time.”

“Okay. Want to come to sleep in my room then?”

“Yes, thank you so much” Mingyu felt the pit in his chest disappear slightly.

“Of course, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

•••

From the way he saw it, Mingyu was lucky that Seokmin and Minghao hadn’t dumped him yet. Despite the three of them dating for almost six months now, he practically never shared a bed with the other two, was always hyperactive and annoying and expected too much from the other two. He still remembers when they tried to share a bed, all three of them, yet the prickling fears of his past came to suffocate him, and he quickly left the bed and went to sleep on the couch.

It was embarrassing explaining to them what happened in the morning, yet they took it in stride and never questioned the way he felt or belittled him for it. It made him feel relieved because how did you even explain to your boyfriends the traumatic experience you went through in high school. It was quite impossible to imagine now that Mingyu stood at a towering height of 187cm, but back then, when he was barely 170cm, it was easy for him to be taken advantage of.

How pathetic that even six years after it happened he was unable even to think the word yet he expected to overcome it. He truly believed he would be able to avoid it forever, and maybe he could have if it wasn’t for that one night.

“Okay!” Soonyoung yelled, catching the attention of everybody in the circle.

“Before we get started of truth or dare, let’s warm up with a round of never have I ever.”

“Warm up? Isn’t that a whole separate game” Jihoon questioned from beside him

“Who cares! This one will only be a few rounds.”

Nobody objected to his suggestion, so they all gathered around and got their glasses ready. At first, it was all lighthearted and poking fun at others such as never have I ever got gum stuck in my hair (something Hansol didn’t find as funny as the others) to never have I ever almost burned down my kitchen (which had a scarily large amount of their group drinking) until Seungcheol’s turn came.

“Okay, never have I ever had sex with a girl.”

Looking around nobody in their group drank, except Hansol who looked like he was about to drink but put his glass down at the last second.

“Ya, Cheol are you trying to tell us you’re a virgin?” Jeonghan asked from across the circle, which had a couple of people laughing.

“Nah I’m trying to tell you I’m gay as fuck” Seungcheol bit back teasingly

“Wait so does that mean the rest of you are virgins or that you just haven’t fucked a girl before?” Junhui asked curiously

“Okay, I know what I’m doing for my one then!” Chan exclaimed the cheerful atmosphere was making him feel tipsy even though he hadn’t had that much to drink “Never have I ever had sex before!”

The group chuckled at the youngest’s boldness before some of them picked up their cups to drink. Around the circle, there was a slight buzz as some didn’t drink, which led to lighthearted tasing while others drank eliciting whistles and catcalls from the rest. Out of his peripheral vision, Mingyu saw Minghao raise his cup while Seokmin kept his down. As he watched his boyfriends, he raised his cup to his mouth to drink, but as the alcohol made its way down his throat, he froze.

Could that incident even be considered as having sex? He wasn’t sure of the official definition of the word, but he was convinced that it wasn’t supposed to be anything like that. The sinking pit returned to his stomach as he spat out his drink onto the floor, dropping his cup as he did so. He could vaguely register the concerned calls of his friends yet, his mind always foggy as it drifted in and out from reality and to that cursed night. What was considered sex anyways? Did both people have to consent then Mingy had never had sex before, but if it was merely the act, then Mingy had had sex before, and it made him sick to think about how it happened. Is that really how he lost his virginity? After it all ended, Mingyu never took time to think about it, only wanting to move forward, yet now his brain was forcing him to confront everything and anything that happened on that night.

His stomach churned, and he blindly rushed to the bathrooms while closing the door behind him, a route he had memorised after visiting Soonyoung’s house so many times. He emptied his stomach of the alcohol he had consumed before, which was now burning his throat and heaved up everything he had eaten that day. When the retching stopped, he sat back in his knees and looked up at the ceiling before reaching over to the door and locking it, something he didn’t think of doing beforehand.

“Mingyu?” Minghao’s voices suddenly rang out “don’t lock the door baby. We just want to make sure you’re okay? You scared us back there.”

Mingyu stayed silent despite Minghao’s questioning and incessant knocks, his eyes tearing up as he thought of all their friends witnessing his breakdown. Eventually, Minghao decided to remain quiet and wait for Mingy to come out as he heard retreating footsteps to the main living area. It was also then he listened to the rest of them talking.

“What happened?”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen hyung like that before.”

“Is he okay there?”

“What could’ve triggered it?”

“Minghao” out of the turmoil of voices outside Seokmin’s voice was the one that stood out to him “do you think there’s something he’s not telling us?”

Sensing the hurt in his boyfriend’s voice, Mingyu held back a sob, waiting to hear what Minghao’s response would be.

“Yes,” Minghao sighed “but there’s nothing we can do about it. We just have to be there for him.”

Even after all the trouble he had caused them, after the scene he had made in front of all their friends, after ignoring them and not giving them answers, the two of them still wanted to be there, to support and help Mingyu.

He let out a loud, painful cry that was heard throughout the apartment.

•••

Hearing Mingyu cry broke both Minghao and Seokmin’s heart, especially since there was nothing they could do to help.

The whole room had become solemn now as nobody knew what to do or what to say. Seungcheol got up to start cleaning up Soonyoung, helping him as it felt wrong to continue having fun when one of their friends was upset. The rest of them either sat down or stood around not sure what to do.

“Should we leave?” Jisoo suddenly asked, capturing everyone’s focus “Mingyu clearly isn’t in the best state and having all of us around might overwhelm him.”

There was a moment’s silence before Wonwoo finally spoke up seeing that nobody else wanted to say anything.

“That sounds like a good idea we should all leave, and maybe Seungcheol and Jihoon can help Mingyu-“

“No” Minghao stood up from his seat facing Wonwoo “I’m not leaving my boyfriend to have a breakdown in the bathroom and going home like everything is okay.”

“Myungho,” Seokmin said, trying to soothe him.

“No Minnie, you can’t expect me to just leave when Mingyu is breaking down in the bathroom, and I’m not here to help him.”

“Okay calm down Myungho” Jeonghan spoke up walking over to the Chinese boy “you and Seokmin can stay, and the rest of us can go, okay? It was just a suggestion we all just want to help Mingyu however we can.”

“I know” Minghao slumped back into his seat, all of his energy gone as Seokmin kneeled in front of him squeezing his hand tightly in silent support.

Soon enough the rest of the group gathered their things and got ready to leave, giving Minghao and Seokmin small smiles of support and some of them asking the two to tell Mingyu that they all care for him and would support him through whatever this is. However, Chan hovered around for a while as if he was hesitant to tell them whatever he had in his mind.

“Chan, is there something you want to say, or are you waiting for someone?” Seokmin asked the younger

“Well,” Chan finally said, “When Mingyu-hyung is feeling better, can you ask him if it’s about the nightmares and if it is then I can give him the book again?”

“What book?” Seokmin asked 

“It’s just this book I have that hyung seems to really like. Last time he asked me for it and said it helps with his nightmares sometimes which doesn’t really make sense since it isn’t really a calming book. But anyways, tell hyung that he’s free to have it whenever he needs it.”

“We will Channie.” 

“Okay, bye!”

The youngest left at that point, leaving only Minghao, Seokmin, Seungcheol and Jihoon in the apartment. Seokmin and Minghao sat next to each other, Minghao resting his head on Seokmin’s shoulder, Mingyu’s cries still audible from where they were but not as loud as earlier. Jihoon told them he and Seungcheol would go to their room so that the three of them would be able to have privacy while they talked which they appreciated and said to them that if anything happened, they would let them know.

After enough time had passed, Seokmin got up and went to the bathroom door knocking once again to get his boyfriend’s attention.

“Gyu?” No answer.

“Mingyu, everybody else has gone home. It's only me, Hao, Cheol-hyung and Jihoon-hyung but the hyungs said they would give us space, so please Gyu, let us help you.”

Minutes passed, and there was only silence from the other side of the door, and Seokmin was about to walk away and try again later when he heard shuffling and the bathroom door being unlocked. Opening it carefully, he saw Mingyu curled up in a ball near the toilet with red-rimmed eyes which were trembling and his whole body shaking.

“Hey baby,” Seokmin whispered so he didn’t startle him “can you get up for me or do you need some help?”

“Don’t touch me” Mingyu choked out, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay Gyu, I won’t touch you if you don’t want me too. I’ll wait out here so you can get up when you are ready.”

Taking a few steps back, Seokmin pushes down the hurt he felt when Mingyu rejected his touch, reminding himself that his boyfriend was not in a good mental state and that he shouldn’t be offended by anything he says or does.

Patiently he waited and watched as Mingyu struggled to lift himself on shaky legs, leaning against the sink as he made his way to the door. When he got there, Seokmin gave him a look and moved so that he would be able to walk past him, but instead, Mingyu launched himself at Seokmin clutching at his shoulders. Carefully, Seokmin manoeuvred the taller so that they would be able to walk back to Minghao in the living room and then sat down on the floor to sit next to him.

Minghao, who was sitting on one of the chairs, moved and went to sit on the floor opposite his boyfriends, reaching over to hold him only for the other to flinch away from him. Recoiling, Minghao sent Seokmin a look of both hurt and confusion to which he could only respond with a light shrug, careful not to jolt the trembling boy clutching onto him.

“Gyu?” Minghao asked gently, not wanting to spook the boy “when you’re ready to talk, just tell us okay?”

Mingyu stayed silent, but his eyes shifted to briefly glance at Minghao, so they knew he was still with them. Cautiously, Seokmin rested his hand on Minghao’s thigh so that he wouldn’t disrupt their shaken boyfriend. The triad sat on the floor in silence, the only sounds coming from Seungcheol and Jihoon bustling around in their rooms.

“Kim Janghyun” 

Both heads turned to where Mingyu lay across Seokmin’s lap. The trembling had stopped yet it was clear how shaken he still was. He took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing.

“I think that’s the guy I lost my virginity to.”

As soon as those words came out of his mouth, Minghao felt an icy dread fall over his body and saw Seokmin tighten his hold on Mingyu initially before loosening when he realised the other boy might feel uncomfortable. Seokmin hated things like this; dealing with difficult situations which could end badly or confrontation. He always felt like he would mess something up and opted to avoid such incidents instead, which is why Minghao knew he needed to get the courage to question Mingyu further.

“What do you mean you think, Gyu?”

Mingyu shifted slightly so that he could look up at Minghao, revealing to the Chinese boy his red teary eyes and dishevelled appearance in full.

“The way it happened... I don’t think it counts. I don’t want it to count.”

Above him, Mingyu heard Seokmin let out a broken sound like he was about to start sobbing which wasn’t surprising as he had always been the more emotional one out of the triad. What surprised him was when Minghao began tearing up, eyes trained on Mingyu guiltily. 

“Mingyu.”

“Yes, Hao?”

“How... what, why-“

“Did he rape you?”

Seokmin’s voice startled him slightly as he thought that the boy had already been rendered speechless yet when he looked up, through the tears, he could see an emotion that he never thought he would see in Seokmin’s eyes ever in his life. He saw rage.

It felt as if hours passed when Mingyu finally answered him.

After so many years of forgetting, suppressing, ignoring his trauma, he finally had to face it head-on with the two people he had come to love by his side.

“Yes.” 

Mingyu instantly felt the pit in his chest fluctuate and shrink just a bit now that he no longer had to keep his darkest part hidden from his boyfriends yet now as he watched them cry and sob at his revelation, he wondered if it was a mistake telling them in the first place.

“I’m sorry” Mingyu tried only for Seokmin to hug him closer to his chest.

“No,” he stated firmly through his tears, “ don’t apologise. It’s not your fault. It will never be your fault Mingyu. Don’t worry about it anymore, baby, okay? We’re here for you.”

Mingyu began sniffling at Seokmin’s words, sitting up so he could curl his body further into him looking so small and fragile as opposed to his usual tall stature.

“Where is he now?”

When they turned their heads, Minghao sat there, fists clenched tightly at his sides, his eyes trained in the wall behind the two, visibly shaking with rage.

“Hao-“ 

“No Seokmin, I need to know where the fuck he is now so that I can beat the shit out of him for touching Mingyu in the first place. I need- shit - I swear what does he look like, if I ever see his face I will pummel him-“

Minghao stood up and started pacing around the room seething and muttering before he turned and banged his hand on the wooden table, causing Mingyu to shudder violently in Seokmin’s grip.

“Myungho, stop! You’re scaring him!”

Seokmin’s yell brought both Seungcheol and Jihoon out of their rooms rushing to see what was happening only to be met with the sight of a quivering Mingyu, an irritated Seokmin and a furious Minghao who still had his fist against the table. 

“Hey Minghao, want to come to my room to cool off?” Seungcheol asked, trying to diffuse the situation at hand despite having no idea what had just taken place.

Minghao stormed straight into Seungcheol’s room not even sparing anyone else a glance while Jihoon stepped closer to Mingyu and Seokmin who were still on the floor. 

“I’m making you tea.”

There was no room for interjection in his voice, so the younger two just nodded and watched as Jihoon walked into the kitchen area and started the kettle. Seungcheol gave them a supportive smile before going to talk to Minghao.

•••

When he stepped into his room, Minghao was still pacing around, running his hands through his hair, still angry. Going to sit on his bed Seungcheol waited for Minghao to calm down and soon enough the younger stopped pacing as aggressively and stopped his back towards Seungcheol’s bed.

“Hao,” the elder said carefully as to not set off a fuse again within the other “are you feeling better now?”

The way Minghao turned towards him made him think for a second that he was going to hit him. Instead, Minghao fell to his knees in front of Seungcheol and began sobbing into the bedsheets. Temporarily shocked, Seungcheol quickly sped into action, moving the young boy so that his head was resting in his lap instead and wiping away the tears in his face despite how fast they were falling, shushing the younger and whispering sweet nothings.

“Hey Minghao, don’t cry, I’m sure whatever happened between you three you can fix it.”

Minghao let out a scoff looking up at Seungcheol through tears.

“No, we can’t hyung. This isn’t something you can fix, it’s something completely different, and I have no idea what the fuck I can do.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“No that’s- fuck, that’s the worst thing I can do, Mingyu has to tell you. I’ve already fucked up enough by losing my temper.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Just stay here with me and calm down. Once you’re calm, you can go back out to Mingyu and Seokmin, apologise, and then you guys can work through whatever the problem is, okay?”

“Thank you so much, hyung.”

“That’s what I’m here for Hao.”

Seungcheol continued to comfort the younger wordlessly while wondering how things were going down on Jihoon’s side.

\---

Jihoon wasn’t usually one to make tea as he often found himself drinking coffee to stay awake and complete last-minute assignments. However, due to his friends’ nagging (read: Seungkwan), he and Seungcheol decided to invest in some, which turned out to work in their favour, especially with the situation at hand. Holding three mugs of chamomile tea, Jihoon brought it to the table in the main area before pushing the table closer to where Seokmin and Mingyu were sitting, the tallest still looking worn down, his hands unstable as they picked up the tea. After Mingyu took a sip of tea, only then did Seokmin allow himself to take a sip from his mug while Jihoon watched.

“I made this one for Myungho, but he is with Seungcheol. I'll drink this and make him another one later.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Seokmin said with a pained looking smile, clearly trying to stay strong for his other two boyfriends even though all three of them looked seconds away from collapsing.

“So, I don’t think you guys are going to tell me what is going on so just make sure you communicate well in terms of feelings and how you guys are going to work this out. Also, Mingyu I don’t know what it was that triggered you earlier, but if you tell us what it is, we can avoid it happening again within the group. You don’t even need to tell us the story behind it; just tell us what the trigger is, and then we’ll try our best to avoid it.”

When he looked up from his tea, Jihoon saw Mingyu staring at him with wide eyes, a mix of surprise and gladness written on his face as he cleared his throat.

“Thanks, hyung.” if it wasn’t for how quiet the place was, Jihoon was confident he wouldn’t be able to hear Mingyu with how quietly he spoke. Mingyu must have realised as well as he looked slightly embarrassed, but Seokmin placed a comforting hand on his knee to show him that it was okay.  
“You don’t have to tell me what happened between you guys, as long as you promise me that you will work it out between yourselves.”

“We will hyung, it’ll just take some time” Seokmin replied, side-eyeing Mingyu to see how he was acting.

Mingyu still seemed shaken, but he had calmed down significantly since earlier. The three sat in silence, drinking their tea, nobody wanted to ruin the somewhat calm atmosphere, so they all stayed silent. When they had finally finished drinking, Jihoon collected their mugs and took them all to the sink so he could wash them. While he did so, Mingyu turned to Seokmin and looked at him with pleading eyes.

“I want to go home now.”

Seokmin nodded “Do you want to talk to Minghao before we go or...” he trailed off letting the other decide.

“He’s mad at me” Mingyu whispered his voice sounding teary “I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

“Mingyu darling,” Seokmin’s hand came up to cup his boyfriend’s face “Minghao is not mad at you. He could never be mad at you for something like this.”

“Yeah, well I just don’t think I can face him right now,” Mingyu sighed sadly “Can you say bye to him for me.”

“Okay, then.”

Getting up, Seokmin walked to Seungcheol’s door and knocked on it, waiting for an answer. Eventually, Minghao opened the door and poked his head out, showcasing his red-rimmed eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Gyu and I are leaving now so I thought I would just tell you, so you don’t worry.”

Minghao gulped before nodding his eyes still shining with tears “It’s okay, I fucked up. I don’t blame you guys for going home.”

“Hao. You didn’t fuck up, I understand your reaction. I was pissed as well. You just had a hard time controlling your feelings; it happens to everyone.”

“Of all the times to lose control, why did it have to be now?” Minghao whispered the question directed more to himself than to Seokmin.

“It’s okay Hao, we’ll discuss it tomorrow. Don’t worry alright darling?”  
“Okay, Minnie,” Minghao said with a tight smile.

“I love you, Hao and so does Mingyu.”

“I love you both too.”

“Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, a better one than today and I promise no matter what it takes, I will help both of you.”

Minghao nodded one last time before placing a peck on Seokmin’s cheek and closing the door behind him and turning to face Seungcheol who was doing his schoolwork in an attempt to give the two privacy.

“Seungcheol-Hyung?”

“Yes, Myungho?”

“Can I stay here tonight? I don’t feel like being alone.”

The eldest gave a comforting smile, gesturing for Minghao to sit down on the bed.

“Of course Myungho, I wouldn’t allow you to be by yourself anyway.”

“Thanks, hyung. I seriously owe you and Jihoon-hyung.”

Sitting on the bed, Minghao hugged a pillow as he heard his boyfriends leaving the apartment and the door closing behind them. He stood up to look out the window and saw them exit the apartment building and start walking in the direction of their place. Smiling to himself, Minghao began to hope that not only could he move in with the two but that they were able to talk everything out and support each other.


	2. Chapter 2

Minghao was nervous.

It was the day after Mingyu’s breakdown and when he told him and Seokmin about his past trauma. He had left Jihoon and Seungcheol’s place early that morning and rushed back to his flat so that he could change his clothes if his boyfriends wanted to talk to him. He was still feeling guilty over the way, and he started cleaning his whole flat, a habit that he had picked up from Mingyu who also tended to clean whenever he was stressed or anxious about something. As he arranged his clothes in his closet, Minghao wondered if Mingyu was at his place sorting everything out while Seokmin looked on in worry. His thought process was cut short when he heard his phone ringing from the living room.

Wasting no time, he shoved the rest of his clothes into his closet and sprinted to the coffee table to snatch his phone up. Heaving he answered the phone without even looking to see who called, too caught up in the fact that it might be one of his boyfriends.

“Hello!” he answered with fervour.

“Hi, Hao.”

Hearing Mingyu’s soft voice through the phone made him freeze before he finally settled down on his couch, not wanting to be even a step out of line after the spectacle he had caused yesterday.

“Hey Gyu. Are you doing okay now?”

“Yeah. Could you come over please?”

“Of course baby, give me twenty minutes.”

“Okay.”

Minghao stayed silent, unsure of how he should end the call and his spirits lowered since Mingyu seemed uncomfortable which was most likely because of him. Just as he took a deep breath to end the call, Mingyu spoke up again.

“Love you, Hao.”

Minghao felt a grin grow on his face at the words and how he could hear the honesty behind his words.

“Love you too Gyu.”

\---

Instead of the original twenty minutes he set, Minghao got there in fifteen minutes, eager to see Mingyu and Seokmin and make sure that they were both okay. Minghao had to wait for them to buzz him in before he ran up the stairs, relying purely on muscle memory to get to their flat. Knocking the door, he waited outside anxiously bouncing his leg up and down for a moment before Seokmin came to the door giving the other a sad smile.

“Hey, Myungho.”

“Hey Minnie”

Seokmin studied Minghao carefully as he rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet before speaking up.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I should’ve tried to calm you down instead of just exploding like that.”

Scoffing, Minghao took a step forward before holding Seokmin’s hands in his.

“If anyone exploded, it was me. I shouldn’t have lost control like that and blown up, you were right to yell at me. Hell, I would even be okay if you slapped me because I made Mingyu feel unsafe.” 

He trailed off at the end looking at his feet in shame as he began tearing up again. Without looking, he could feel Seokmin raising their clasped hands and pressing a kiss to each of his knuckles with care.

“You know he would forgive you” he muttered, lifting his head up to make eye contact with Minghao again.

Smiling, Minghao wrapped his hands around Seokmin’s waist, resting his head on the other’s chest before swaying them gently, manoeuvring both of them inside inch by inch. When they were finally in the hallway instead of the doorway, Minghao took one of his hands and used it to close the door behind them before looking up at Seokmin with caring eyes.

“Where’s Gyu? I think we should talk now.”

“In his room, he’s waiting for us so he can talk to both of us at the same time.”

“Let’s not keep him waiting then”

Linking hands, they walked to Mingyu’s room, Seokmin knocking softly waiting for confirmation before they entered the room. Minghao was still a little hesitant but before they could even move to sit on the bed, Mingyu shot up and wrapped his arms around Minghao’s shoulders bringing the shorter close to his chest.

“I’m sorry for making you mad yesterday,” he whispered, still subdued but not as apprehensive as yesterday.

“You don’t need to apologise,” Minghao said firmly moving so that the two were face to face “I should have comforted you instead of getting worked up over something I can’t change or do anything about. No matter how much I want it to change.”

Seokmin put his arms around both of them, playing with the hair at Minghao’s nape while he pressed a kiss to Mingyu’s cheek, letting the silence fester for a while as he didn't want to rush anything. Mingyu should be the one to set the pace after all he had revealed to them.

“I was scared that you guys wouldn’t want me anymore,” Mingyu said dazedly making Seokmin and Minghao look at him in confusion.

Mingyu peeled himself from the embrace and went to sit on his bed cross-legged, Minghao and Seokmin sat on the floor before him, seeing how he tensed up when they came closer and not wanting to invade his personal space.

“I don’t want to go into details of what happened, but it’s part of the reason why I’m scared to share a bed with anybody and why if I do I get up halfway through the night. You’re the first people I’ve told. Sorry for dropping all of this on you and that you have to deal with me”

Silence fell around them as the two on the floor considered his words and Mingyu played with his pillow, tears threatening to spill once more. He hadn’t cried this much since the incident first happened and it scared him that he was feeling the same way now as he did back then.

“Gyu, can we touch you?”

He nodded and heard shuffling as the two got up and sat on either side of him before feeling a hand cupping his face and wiping away his tears while the other hand wrapped around his stomach protectively. Mingyu rested his own hands on the hands that rested on his stomach before looking up into the loving eyes of both of his boyfriends.

“First of all Gyu,” Seokmin whispered, “we will never force you to do anything you don’t want to do that is something you should know. Secondly, we do not deal with you, we love you and care for you and want to be there for you through thick and thin and highs and lows. You will never be a burden to us Kim Mingyu.”

“Also,” Minghao shifted so that he could lock eyes with the tallest “I’m not forcing you to do this, but I think it would be good if you saw a therapist about this. I’m not saying we should go out looking for one right now, but whenever you are ready. We want to help you recover from this honey.”

MIngyu gave a watery smile, bringing both of his lovers close to him as he found comfort in both their presence and their words. Sighing out of relief, he slumped over, exhausted after the emotional rollercoaster of the past twenty-four hours and felt himself drifting to sleep.

“Thank you for helping me heal”


End file.
